Writer's Block

I've never admitted to writer's block. I've always been steadily productive when I wanted, though I was often lazy or discouraged. Writing is hard when the idea isn't fresh and it took me much longer to finish my first novel than it should've. I finished the first half in a few months after an unusual episode of Bones inspired me, the rest in spurts over the next year. A large chunk was lost to computer troubles. It was fifteen pages, probably. They were good pages. And it was nearing the end of the story. And I had just gotten to Wales. So I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for my lost pages before starting NFG and then finally finished Ben Dau. I still think it's a great piece of angsty supernatural schoolyard adventure, but I can see why it never got really accepted. You tried to tell me when that scamming agent accepted it that it was genuine. Remember? I cried twice that day.

Spade petered out. Too little action, too much nostalgia, too much other stuff. The Blogger lost steam when I realized the plot was trivial and shameful. Let's Write Right was a lot of work to type up the awful story, type line by line suggestions and revisions, and have no one appreciate it. And eventually NFG suffered for it. It was already suffering from the start of the second book. I should've ended it with TK having to decide whether to trade his life for Stan's or some other major moral choice, not introducing Sven and continuing on till eternity with plans for demons, psychics, and betrayals. Too much Hollywood action, not enough character-driven story.

Then the whole sub shitstorm. I should just get over that, I know, but it hurt. What's safe to write? What's going to get me fired? What'll be misunderstood? What'll be unappreciated? What'll matter? I'm not much for writing controversy, but I wasn't hesitant to go with an idea because it might be morally questionable. Ben kills his best friend, by accident, to end Book 1 of Ben Dau. TK jokes about the carnage of his corpse.

And I'm not consciously afraid of that stuff, but I feel like everything I put down is boring, safe writing. I don't know what to write. I had brilliant idea for something for you too so I hope I get past this. Sorry I don't have a hint.